1 00:00:02,184 --> 00:00:04,452 (Male narrator) cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,421 Yeah, normie, watch my wallet, will you? 3 00:00:06,489 --> 00:00:08,773 I got to go see a man about a horse. 4 00:00:08,841 --> 00:00:10,509 Will you look at this! 5 00:00:10,576 --> 00:00:13,478 Pumpkin seeds are up to 9 cents a pound! 6 00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:15,096 This world is goin' crazy. 7 00:00:15,164 --> 00:00:16,281 Yeah, i know what you mean, wood. 8 00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:18,700 The dollar ain't worth what it used to be, is it? 9 00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:21,553 I don't understand. How can a dollar be worth less than a dollar? 10 00:00:21,670 --> 00:00:23,004 [Sighing] well, 11 00:00:23,072 --> 00:00:26,641 Perhaps i can illustrate using one of cliff's bills here. 12 00:00:26,709 --> 00:00:27,742 Ah! 13 00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:31,312 Think of this, woody, as the 1975 dollar, ok? 14 00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:34,883 Probably been in that wallet since 1975. 15 00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:37,853 Now, taking account of inflation, ok, 16 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,721 The high cost of living, 17 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,106 Increased dollars in circulation, 18 00:00:42,174 --> 00:00:45,193 Increased buying power of that pesky yen, 19 00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:47,161 And all you have left is, 20 00:00:47,229 --> 00:00:49,564 A little bit of george washington's left eye. 21 00:00:50,266 --> 00:00:51,633 Well, wait a minute, now. 22 00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:54,969 Would the same thing apply to, oh, 23 00:00:55,804 --> 00:00:57,589 Say, $20? 24 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,959 Ah, macroeconomics. 25 00:01:01,026 --> 00:01:03,295 Uh, yeah. Perhaps, uh, we'll just try it and see, 26 00:01:03,362 --> 00:01:04,463 The same principles. 27 00:01:04,530 --> 00:01:06,098 Ok. 28 00:01:06,165 --> 00:01:07,799 Inflation. Uh-Huh. 29 00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:09,934 Cost of living. 30 00:01:13,939 --> 00:01:15,923 ¶ sometimes you want to go 31 00:01:15,991 --> 00:01:19,494 ¶ where everybody knows your name ¶ 32 00:01:21,597 --> 00:01:24,899 ¶ and they're always glad you came ¶ 33 00:01:26,185 --> 00:01:28,636 ¶ you want to be where you can see ¶ 34 00:01:28,654 --> 00:01:31,306 ¶ our troubles are all the same ¶ 35 00:01:31,373 --> 00:01:35,476 ¶ you want to go where everybody knows your name ¶ 36 00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:56,831 I just don't get this inflation stuff. 37 00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,199 [Sighing] all right, woody, 38 00:01:58,267 --> 00:02:01,552 Once again, think of this beer as the 1975 dollar, ok? 39 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,175 Now, it's a 1980 dollar. 40 00:02:08,243 --> 00:02:11,112 Fill it up, i'll take you right through the reagan years. 41 00:02:13,365 --> 00:02:15,366 All right, you might as well forget it, mr. Peterson. 42 00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:17,168 I'm just not gettin' it. 43 00:02:17,235 --> 00:02:20,338 Woody, i'm willing to sit here all night, if that's what it takes, buddy. 44 00:02:21,573 --> 00:02:23,224 Sorry i'm late. 45 00:02:23,292 --> 00:02:25,193 I just got back from my stylist. 46 00:02:25,260 --> 00:02:27,495 Oh, gee, sam, your hair doesn't look any different. 47 00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:30,665 Uh, no. This was, uh-- This was just for an estimate. 48 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,851 I'm thinking of doin' a body wave, 49 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:36,854 And my insurance company wants me to go to 3 different places. 50 00:02:38,089 --> 00:02:41,142 Sam, you-- You have hair insurance? 51 00:02:41,210 --> 00:02:42,810 Yeah. What, i'm gonna just 52 00:02:42,878 --> 00:02:45,646 Walk around with fire and theft? 53 00:02:51,353 --> 00:02:53,772 Got to get some more pretzels for the bar. 54 00:02:53,839 --> 00:02:56,524 Well, i don't know if my phone is working right or not. 55 00:02:56,591 --> 00:02:57,842 Have i had any calls? 56 00:02:57,909 --> 00:02:58,993 Yeah, robin called. 57 00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:00,227 He did? 58 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,748 Yeah, about 3 weeks ago. Don't you remember? 59 00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:06,050 Carla, do you think robin's losing interest in me? 60 00:03:06,118 --> 00:03:07,235 No, but i am. 61 00:03:07,302 --> 00:03:08,737 Wait. 62 00:03:08,804 --> 00:03:11,239 Come here. Please, sit down. This is important. 63 00:03:11,306 --> 00:03:14,308 Now look, i know my relationship with robin got off to a flying start. 64 00:03:14,376 --> 00:03:15,744 But recently, 65 00:03:15,811 --> 00:03:18,246 I think that maybe he's finding me boring. 66 00:03:18,313 --> 00:03:19,997 Now how could that be? 67 00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:21,683 You're dull. 68 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:25,870 I'm only dull on the outside. 69 00:03:25,904 --> 00:03:29,207 On the inside, i'm a seething cauldron of fun. 70 00:03:31,093 --> 00:03:32,476 All i have to do is find-- 71 00:03:32,544 --> 00:03:34,812 Find something that will make robin sit up and take notice of me. 72 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,082 Something that will make him realize what a special person i really am. 73 00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:39,417 Have you gone to bed with him yet? 74 00:03:39,484 --> 00:03:40,619 No. 75 00:03:40,686 --> 00:03:42,704 Well, that's always been a good icebreaker for me. 76 00:03:42,772 --> 00:03:44,622 Wait. Wait. 77 00:03:44,690 --> 00:03:46,357 Now look, i did not go to bed with robin on the first date 78 00:03:46,425 --> 00:03:47,958 Because i was out of practice. 79 00:03:48,026 --> 00:03:50,495 And i thought i'd be rotten, and then he would dump me. 80 00:03:50,562 --> 00:03:52,396 And on the 2nd date, i didn't go to bed with him 81 00:03:52,464 --> 00:03:53,665 Because i thought he respected me 82 00:03:53,732 --> 00:03:55,700 For not going to bed with him on the first date. 83 00:03:55,768 --> 00:04:01,239 And then by the 3rd date, it was already an old habit. 84 00:04:01,306 --> 00:04:04,325 All right, now i'm going out with him my 4th time, and frankly, 85 00:04:04,393 --> 00:04:06,160 I'm hot-To-Trot. 86 00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:08,413 So? 87 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,065 So, he's coming in town tonight, 88 00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:11,833 I haven't seen him for a month, and i don't know-- 89 00:04:11,901 --> 00:04:13,668 You know, i really need some help here. 90 00:04:13,702 --> 00:04:15,937 Now, you've got a reputation of being uninhibited, 91 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:19,357 Low-Down, dirty, perverted. 92 00:04:19,424 --> 00:04:22,610 You should have known me when i was a real slut. 93 00:04:24,129 --> 00:04:26,163 Let me ask you a question now. 94 00:04:26,231 --> 00:04:29,050 What is the wildest thing you ever did 95 00:04:29,117 --> 00:04:31,352 To really get a guy's attention? 96 00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:32,503 Well. 97 00:04:32,571 --> 00:04:34,171 Now, let me see. 98 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:41,045 There was the time i was makin' love to a guy on a carousel. 99 00:04:41,146 --> 00:04:42,663 Where? An amusement park? 100 00:04:42,731 --> 00:04:44,532 No, laguardia airport. 101 00:04:47,285 --> 00:04:49,604 Want to give it a try? Well, i don't know. 102 00:04:49,671 --> 00:04:51,823 What, are you gettin' dull on me again? 103 00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:56,111 Well, you know, i've just been so darn dull, for so darn long. 104 00:04:56,178 --> 00:04:58,296 Wait a minute. Whoa! What do you think about this? 105 00:04:58,364 --> 00:05:00,381 You're going to like this one. 106 00:05:00,449 --> 00:05:02,049 He comes in tonight, 107 00:05:02,117 --> 00:05:03,951 I sneak into his apartment, 108 00:05:04,019 --> 00:05:06,087 I put on some nice soft music, 109 00:05:06,154 --> 00:05:07,955 I chill some champagne, 110 00:05:08,023 --> 00:05:10,024 He walks through the door, 111 00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:11,759 And i greet him. 112 00:05:12,911 --> 00:05:16,247 Whoa, what an idea. 113 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,032 Way to go, rebecca! 114 00:05:18,099 --> 00:05:19,166 Thank you. 115 00:05:19,234 --> 00:05:21,335 ¶ dull-De-Dull, dull, dull ¶ 116 00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:29,627 Economics is so complicated. 117 00:05:29,695 --> 00:05:31,663 Woody, i could sit here 118 00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:34,532 And try to discuss the principles of economics with you 119 00:05:34,599 --> 00:05:36,067 Till i'm blue in the face. 120 00:05:36,135 --> 00:05:38,970 But i've always found that nothing 121 00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:41,973 Will explain the process quicker 122 00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:43,841 Than a simple game of monopoly. 123 00:05:43,909 --> 00:05:45,460 Anyone care to join me? 124 00:05:45,527 --> 00:05:46,961 Monopoly, eh? (Norm) yeah! 125 00:05:47,028 --> 00:05:48,929 I don't know, uh... 126 00:05:48,997 --> 00:05:50,498 well, lilith's at home with the baby, 127 00:05:50,566 --> 00:05:52,233 They both seem rather tired and cranky, 128 00:05:52,301 --> 00:05:54,201 So i really ought to get home by, uh, 129 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:55,770 Umm, thursday. 130 00:05:57,556 --> 00:05:59,040 All right, i'm the banker. 131 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,642 No, no, no, i'm trying to explain this to you, woody. 132 00:06:00,709 --> 00:06:02,243 I have to be the banker, all right? 133 00:06:02,310 --> 00:06:03,511 I'm always the banker. 134 00:06:03,579 --> 00:06:05,029 No, no, i'm always the banker, ok? 135 00:06:05,097 --> 00:06:06,431 Look here, if i can't be the banker, 136 00:06:06,498 --> 00:06:08,215 I just won't play. How's that? 137 00:06:08,283 --> 00:06:10,017 Well, maybe i'll just go get my own monopoly board 138 00:06:10,085 --> 00:06:12,787 And play with my real friends. 139 00:06:12,854 --> 00:06:14,088 Now let's not be childish. 140 00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:16,056 If woody wants to be the banker, let's let him be. 141 00:06:16,124 --> 00:06:17,992 I mean, he can learn from his own mistakes. 142 00:06:18,059 --> 00:06:20,294 All right, all right, i'll be the race car, though. 143 00:06:20,362 --> 00:06:21,879 No, i'm always the race car. 144 00:06:21,947 --> 00:06:22,947 I'm the race car. 145 00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:24,248 No, no, no. Oh, really? 146 00:06:24,315 --> 00:06:25,799 How well do you do this? 147 00:06:25,867 --> 00:06:28,102 [Imitating car revving] 148 00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:29,454 You can argue all you want, 149 00:06:29,521 --> 00:06:32,090 But, uh, i'm not playing unless i'm the thimble. 150 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,326 It's yours, cliff. Ok, well, 151 00:06:36,394 --> 00:06:39,296 So cliff's the thimble, i'm the race car, 152 00:06:39,364 --> 00:06:40,598 Uh, what do you want to be, norm? 153 00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:42,867 I'll be the lead pipe, i guess. 154 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:46,254 I don't remember any lead pipe in monopoly. 155 00:06:46,321 --> 00:06:47,888 Or this chinese checker, 156 00:06:47,956 --> 00:06:51,775 Or these--These candyland children. What is this? 157 00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:54,212 You know, over the years, we've sort of lost some of the parts 158 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,797 From the original game, so we've mixed and matched from others. 159 00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:58,783 Well, all right, give me the dice. 160 00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:00,184 All right. 161 00:07:04,807 --> 00:07:05,839 Carla. 162 00:07:07,392 --> 00:07:08,910 Everything's all set up. 163 00:07:08,977 --> 00:07:10,995 You're going to laguardia airport? Great! 164 00:07:11,063 --> 00:07:14,515 Use carousel "d." It's the bumpiest. 165 00:07:14,633 --> 00:07:17,935 No, no, carla, look, i was talking to robin's valet, jonathan... 166 00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:19,403 he kind of likes me. 167 00:07:19,471 --> 00:07:22,240 Anyway, he said that he was gonna chill some champagne, 168 00:07:22,307 --> 00:07:25,409 And he would open the door for me so i could get in robin's apartment. 169 00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:26,678 And then he'll disappear. 170 00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:30,448 And i will greet mr. Colcord at the door 171 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:33,651 Wearing nothing but a skirt, a shirt, 172 00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:35,920 My underwear, and a smile. 173 00:07:37,422 --> 00:07:39,523 All right, all right, i'll get naked! 174 00:07:39,591 --> 00:07:41,776 Now you're gettin' the hang of it. 175 00:07:41,844 --> 00:07:44,078 Ok, thank you, carla. Thank you so much. 176 00:07:44,145 --> 00:07:47,398 I'm buying reddin' railroad and i'm puttin' up a house. 177 00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:50,101 Woody, you-- You can't put a house on railroad tracks. 178 00:07:50,902 --> 00:07:52,236 Why not? 179 00:07:52,304 --> 00:07:55,573 My uncle jim used to do it all the time back in hanover, 180 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,942 And on these tracks near where we lived. 181 00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,543 I mean it wasn't a real house, though. 182 00:07:59,611 --> 00:08:03,047 It was just, uh, a fake one made out of sticks and canvas. 183 00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:04,915 Yeah, he used to hide in the bushes 184 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,852 And take pictures of the engineers screamin'. 185 00:08:10,539 --> 00:08:11,839 He was funny, 186 00:08:12,941 --> 00:08:14,975 But he had a twisted side. 187 00:08:16,411 --> 00:08:18,112 [Phone ringing] 188 00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:22,183 Cheers. 189 00:08:23,018 --> 00:08:24,852 Oh, hello, mr. Colcord. 190 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,956 Why, this is a bad connection. Where are you callin' from? 191 00:08:28,023 --> 00:08:29,724 Uh, hold on a second. 192 00:08:29,791 --> 00:08:32,894 It's richie rich calling from his airplane. 193 00:08:32,961 --> 00:08:35,980 Uh, she's not here right now. Can i take a message? 194 00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:38,983 Aw, she'll be sorry to hear that. 195 00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:40,617 Yeah, i'll be sure to tell her. 196 00:08:40,685 --> 00:08:41,953 Yeah, wait, uh... 197 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:44,555 you fly that plane all by yourself? 198 00:08:44,622 --> 00:08:45,923 Really? 199 00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:47,992 Watch out for that telephone pole. 200 00:08:51,747 --> 00:08:55,249 No, i know there are no telephone poles 40,000 feet up. 201 00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:57,418 That's what makes it funny. 202 00:08:59,454 --> 00:09:02,373 $200 million. Buy yourself a sense of humor. 203 00:09:07,612 --> 00:09:09,213 Where is rebecca, anyway? 204 00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:11,815 Uh, she's waitin' for robin at his apartment. 205 00:09:11,883 --> 00:09:12,917 Oh? 206 00:09:14,102 --> 00:09:15,903 Well, i guess i oughtta 207 00:09:15,971 --> 00:09:17,905 Call her and tell her 208 00:09:17,973 --> 00:09:20,608 He's going to be about 3 hours late. 209 00:09:20,676 --> 00:09:23,011 Yeah. She said she wanted to 210 00:09:23,013 --> 00:09:26,313 Surprise him by waitin' there for him buck-Naked. 211 00:09:33,038 --> 00:09:34,589 Hey, where's sam off to? 212 00:09:34,656 --> 00:09:37,725 He's off to a luxury apartment to meet a naked woman. 213 00:09:37,776 --> 00:09:40,661 Boy, that guy leads a pretty exciting life compared to us, huh? 214 00:09:40,729 --> 00:09:44,682 Cliffy, compared to ours, a tapeworm leads a pretty exciting life. 215 00:09:45,784 --> 00:09:47,384 You know, i, uh, i happen to be 216 00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:49,720 A bit of an expert on tapeworms. 217 00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:54,358 It all goes, uh, all goes back to my 8th grade science fair. 218 00:09:54,426 --> 00:09:56,510 You know, everybody else had rabbits and guinea pigs. 219 00:09:56,578 --> 00:09:58,445 I, uh, had a tapeworm. 220 00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,230 Really? 221 00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:01,999 Yeah, so i couldn't go. 222 00:10:04,636 --> 00:10:07,705 Or was that, uh, was that a ringworm? 223 00:10:07,772 --> 00:10:09,456 Check, please. 224 00:10:09,524 --> 00:10:10,958 Yeah. 225 00:10:11,026 --> 00:10:14,929 All right. Boy, oh, boy. Me and parasites, don't get me started. 226 00:10:22,971 --> 00:10:24,738 [Elevator bell dings] 227 00:10:29,811 --> 00:10:31,378 (Rebecca) robin? 228 00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:32,947 Uh-Huh. 229 00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:38,402 I'm on the couch, in the den. 230 00:10:44,526 --> 00:10:47,094 Hang a louie at my undies. 231 00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:50,448 I'm so glad i came. 232 00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:54,818 Hey, i've had half a bottle of champagne. 233 00:10:58,707 --> 00:11:01,659 Now i'm standing in front of the t.V. Naked. 234 00:11:02,327 --> 00:11:03,794 What are you watchin'? 235 00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:05,496 [Rebecca screaming] 236 00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:07,765 Don't look at me! 237 00:11:07,832 --> 00:11:09,951 Quick! Throw me something! 238 00:11:10,835 --> 00:11:12,519 Okey-Dokey. 239 00:11:12,587 --> 00:11:13,571 No! 240 00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:17,191 Throw me something to wear! 241 00:11:18,059 --> 00:11:19,610 Ah! Let's see. 242 00:11:22,297 --> 00:11:23,981 Here we go. Give it to me. 243 00:11:24,132 --> 00:11:26,817 Give it! Give it to me! Give me that! 244 00:11:28,237 --> 00:11:31,422 God, sam, what are you doing here? 245 00:11:31,489 --> 00:11:33,941 You saw me standing in front of the t.V. Naked! 246 00:11:34,009 --> 00:11:35,977 I just came to give you a message. 247 00:11:36,044 --> 00:11:40,531 Um, robin said he's going to be a few hours late. 248 00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:42,800 Get out of here, get out of here right now. 249 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,953 Damn, what, a kodak moment. Me without my camera. 250 00:11:47,472 --> 00:11:49,439 You get out of here. 251 00:11:49,507 --> 00:11:52,442 Whew! You are so cranky when you're naked. 252 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:54,111 You are getting out of here right now, 253 00:11:54,179 --> 00:11:56,480 And you're getting out of here right now. 254 00:11:59,550 --> 00:12:03,053 What is with this elevator? 255 00:12:03,121 --> 00:12:04,488 Honey, that's the elevator button. 256 00:12:04,555 --> 00:12:05,956 I don't know what the hell this is. 257 00:12:06,024 --> 00:12:07,324 [Machine bleeping] 258 00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:09,477 (Woman) good evening, mr. Colcord. 259 00:12:09,544 --> 00:12:12,413 The triton sonic 5000 security system 260 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,832 Has now been activated. 261 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,301 Please step away from all entry points. 262 00:12:17,368 --> 00:12:18,552 [Beeping] 263 00:12:18,619 --> 00:12:19,770 [Gasping] 264 00:12:19,838 --> 00:12:23,023 Oh, god, we'd better go out the back! 265 00:12:23,091 --> 00:12:25,492 Oh, my god! Let's go out the way back! 266 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,061 [Exclaims] 267 00:12:28,030 --> 00:12:29,430 Sam, 268 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,598 [Whispering] what are we going to do? 269 00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:32,850 Uh... 270 00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:37,371 i say we set the table. 271 00:12:46,381 --> 00:12:48,081 Now, what is with people nowadays? 272 00:12:48,149 --> 00:12:51,452 When i was a kid, we used to keep our doors unlocked all the time. 273 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,820 We used to get ripped off a lot, 274 00:12:52,888 --> 00:12:54,922 But at least we could get out of the damn house. 275 00:12:54,989 --> 00:12:57,375 This whole thing is your fault. 276 00:12:57,442 --> 00:13:00,094 Hey, i wasn't the one who pushed the stupid buttons. 277 00:13:00,162 --> 00:13:02,947 Oh, yeah? Well, robin is gonna be back here in a couple of hours. 278 00:13:03,014 --> 00:13:05,649 And what's he gonna do when he sees the two of us together, huh? 279 00:13:05,717 --> 00:13:06,817 It would have been one thing 280 00:13:06,885 --> 00:13:08,819 If he saw me standing naked in front of the t.V., 281 00:13:08,887 --> 00:13:11,188 That would have been romantic. 282 00:13:11,256 --> 00:13:12,589 What's he gonna do 283 00:13:12,657 --> 00:13:15,392 When he comes back here and he sees the two of us together? 284 00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:17,094 Boy, honey, it's-- 285 00:13:17,162 --> 00:13:19,263 It's one of those complicated situations. 286 00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:21,899 I think what we oughtta do is, go back into the bedroom, 287 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:25,086 Take our clothes off, and make hot, passionate love. 288 00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:26,804 That is not going to help. 289 00:13:26,872 --> 00:13:28,639 It's not gonna hurt. 290 00:13:30,475 --> 00:13:32,076 All right, fine. 291 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,412 I'll call the police. They'll get us out. 292 00:13:34,479 --> 00:13:37,814 We happen to be in the apartment, illegally, 293 00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:40,117 Of one of the richest men in the world. 294 00:13:40,185 --> 00:13:41,585 Well, so he'll vouch for us. 295 00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:42,853 [Scoffs] yes. 296 00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:45,056 He may vouch for me after he dumps me, 297 00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:47,758 Laughs at me, and never wants to see me again. 298 00:13:47,825 --> 00:13:49,860 You, he will leave rotting in jail, 299 00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:51,929 Where you and your pretty boy features 300 00:13:51,996 --> 00:13:54,999 Will be traded nightly for a pack of menthols. 301 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:02,122 Well, uh, i hate to see you get dumped. 302 00:14:03,942 --> 00:14:07,077 There's just got to be something around here that either has a key, 303 00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:09,813 Or a--A combination or-- Oh, here it is. 304 00:14:09,881 --> 00:14:10,698 Oh god, here it is. Jackpot. 305 00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,032 What do you got? What do you got? 306 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,851 It's the alarm system manual. 307 00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:15,285 Find out how to turn the thing off. 308 00:14:15,353 --> 00:14:16,921 Ok, it's right here. 309 00:14:16,988 --> 00:14:20,641 "To deactivate the triton 5000 sonic alarm system, 310 00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:23,110 "Find the control panel marked 'a', 311 00:14:23,177 --> 00:14:25,596 "And press 4-4-1-2, 312 00:14:25,663 --> 00:14:27,398 Great. "...for example. 313 00:14:29,434 --> 00:14:32,169 "Of course, your code will be a special personalized number 314 00:14:32,236 --> 00:14:33,987 That you will choose yourself." 315 00:14:34,055 --> 00:14:35,156 So, what'd i just do? 316 00:14:35,223 --> 00:14:37,507 (Woman) attention, attention, attention. 317 00:14:37,575 --> 00:14:41,145 You have activated the internal laser beam motion detector. 318 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,780 [Beeping] what does that mean? 319 00:14:43,681 --> 00:14:44,749 Mmm! 320 00:14:46,534 --> 00:14:49,170 Oh, this is great. It's just that i come over for a little action, 321 00:14:49,237 --> 00:14:52,606 And i'm stuck in the middle of star wars. 322 00:14:52,624 --> 00:14:54,558 Give me that thing. Gosh! 323 00:14:54,626 --> 00:14:55,826 "Beams." 324 00:14:55,893 --> 00:14:57,210 "Beams." 325 00:14:57,278 --> 00:14:59,680 "If the beams are interrupted, 326 00:14:59,748 --> 00:15:03,050 "There will be an armed response from this company, the boston police, 327 00:15:03,117 --> 00:15:04,284 And the f.B.I." 328 00:15:04,352 --> 00:15:06,370 Oh, god, sam. 329 00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:08,939 Now, not only are we trapped in here, 330 00:15:09,007 --> 00:15:10,774 But we can't even move around in here, 331 00:15:10,842 --> 00:15:12,576 Or we'll set off the alarm system. 332 00:15:12,643 --> 00:15:14,411 Boy, i wish cliff and norm were here. 333 00:15:14,479 --> 00:15:15,779 Why? 334 00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:18,248 They'd think this was really cool. 335 00:15:20,918 --> 00:15:22,570 [Phone ringing] 336 00:15:25,556 --> 00:15:28,091 That is probably robin's valet. 337 00:15:28,159 --> 00:15:30,260 He could be somebody that can help us get out of here. 338 00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:31,362 I've got to go for it. 339 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,496 Here, here, take this. 340 00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:33,698 Give it to me. 341 00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:35,232 Lower. Lower. 342 00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,968 Is this good? Yeah, it's great. 343 00:15:38,036 --> 00:15:39,703 [Telephone ringing] 344 00:15:41,089 --> 00:15:42,572 [Continues ringing] 345 00:15:44,859 --> 00:15:47,244 Hello? Oh, just a second. 346 00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:48,646 It's for you, sam. 347 00:15:48,713 --> 00:15:50,547 Take a message. 348 00:15:50,615 --> 00:15:52,149 May i say who's calling? 349 00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:53,751 Oh, it's carla! 350 00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:55,519 Carla, god, you would have been so proud of me. 351 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:58,072 I was standing in front of the t.V. Set naked... 352 00:15:58,140 --> 00:15:59,890 yeah, well, put it back on. 353 00:15:59,957 --> 00:16:03,093 Your boyfriend just called and said he's not gonna make it tonight at all. 354 00:16:03,161 --> 00:16:05,228 He's not gettin' back into town until tomorrow. 355 00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:06,780 Thank goodness. 356 00:16:06,848 --> 00:16:09,517 So, uh, how are you and sammy gettin' along? 357 00:16:09,584 --> 00:16:12,018 So, you're the one who told him to come over here. 358 00:16:12,086 --> 00:16:14,321 Carla, i'm never going to confide in you again. 359 00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:15,839 That's thanks enough. 360 00:16:17,008 --> 00:16:18,242 Now listen to me, carla, 361 00:16:18,309 --> 00:16:21,328 Do not blab this all over the bar, but sam and i are trapped 362 00:16:21,396 --> 00:16:24,481 In robin's high-Security apartment building, and we can't get out. 363 00:16:24,582 --> 00:16:25,949 Hold on a minute. 364 00:16:26,017 --> 00:16:28,586 They're trapped in robin's high-Security apartment building, 365 00:16:28,653 --> 00:16:30,020 And they can't get out! 366 00:16:30,088 --> 00:16:32,740 Carla, listen to me. Listen to me. 367 00:16:32,807 --> 00:16:34,291 Now, i want you to tell me straight. 368 00:16:34,359 --> 00:16:37,077 How good are your kids at breaking and entering anyway? 369 00:16:37,145 --> 00:16:39,913 And do not brag about 'em, just because you're their mother. 370 00:16:41,232 --> 00:16:44,618 Well, that depends. What kind of system are we talkin' about here? 371 00:16:44,685 --> 00:16:48,121 It's a triton 5000 sonic with laser beams. 372 00:16:48,189 --> 00:16:49,907 They're not that good. 373 00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:52,843 But feel free to call if you're ever trapped in a late model car. 374 00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:55,946 They'll have you and the radio out in 60 seconds. 375 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,268 Oh, damn. 376 00:17:01,336 --> 00:17:02,770 Shoot! 377 00:17:02,837 --> 00:17:06,674 That'll be $1,300 and your "get out of jail free" card. 378 00:17:06,741 --> 00:17:10,144 Enjoy your stay at boyd's on boardwalk. 379 00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,897 Wait, wait, woody, i just realized somethin'. 380 00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:16,667 Every time anybody deposit any money in the bank, you put it with your own. 381 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:19,470 Prove it, peterson. 382 00:17:21,288 --> 00:17:22,990 I don't believe it. 383 00:17:23,057 --> 00:17:25,893 I have sat here for the last 5 hours watching each of you 384 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,128 Lie, steal and cheat his way to a small fortune, 385 00:17:28,195 --> 00:17:31,164 While i sit here with $5, st. James' place, 386 00:17:31,232 --> 00:17:34,234 And this--This stupid picture of uncle wiggly. 387 00:17:35,537 --> 00:17:37,070 You people have no scruples 388 00:17:37,138 --> 00:17:39,256 Or moral standards whatsoever! 389 00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:42,059 And what was the purpose of this game, after all? I mean... 390 00:17:42,126 --> 00:17:45,613 i was just tryin' to teach woody the nature of economics. 391 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,515 Oh, well, then, bravo. 392 00:17:53,271 --> 00:17:55,439 What am i gonna do, sam? 393 00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:56,907 I have blown this. 394 00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:59,894 I have blown the entire relationship. 395 00:17:59,961 --> 00:18:01,878 Come on. Take it easy. 396 00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:03,880 You're off the hook until morning. 397 00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:05,649 Yeah, yeah. 398 00:18:05,716 --> 00:18:08,185 That just gives me more time to think about it. 399 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:11,088 How humiliated i'm gonna be when robin walks through that door 400 00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:13,290 And finds me in here without permission, 401 00:18:13,357 --> 00:18:14,992 Lying on the floor with a bartender 402 00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:17,094 Underneath a grid of laser beams. 403 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,862 Oh, calm down. 404 00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:20,647 Enjoy the light show. 405 00:18:22,233 --> 00:18:23,934 You know what you do to take your mind off, 406 00:18:24,001 --> 00:18:27,387 Is why don't i crawl over there and we could just talk? 407 00:18:27,455 --> 00:18:32,993 You can crawl over here if nothing on your body touches anything on my body. 408 00:18:33,060 --> 00:18:36,363 There is one good thing about this whole deal. 409 00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:39,549 Seeing you crawl on your belly like a worm. 410 00:18:39,617 --> 00:18:43,687 I'm secure enough of my masculinity to accept that as a compliment. 411 00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:45,055 [Exclaims] 412 00:18:47,341 --> 00:18:50,894 This was going to be the most fabulous night of my entire life. 413 00:18:50,961 --> 00:18:53,163 Oh, come on, it's not that bad. 414 00:18:53,231 --> 00:18:55,332 I'm kind of enjoying myself. 415 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,033 I can't remember the last time that 416 00:18:57,101 --> 00:19:00,237 I laid awake at night, just talking to somebody. 417 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,472 It must be back when i was 418 00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:03,773 A kid 419 00:19:03,841 --> 00:19:06,142 Sharing a bunk bed with my brother. 420 00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:07,744 [Rasping] 421 00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:10,648 You're trying to tell me that with all those thousands of women 422 00:19:10,715 --> 00:19:14,218 You supposedly slept with, you never stayed up and talked to one of 'em? 423 00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:16,086 What's to talk about? 424 00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:20,457 I mean, a guy does all his talking beforehand. 425 00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:23,594 [Chuckles] 426 00:19:23,661 --> 00:19:27,147 So, like, what did you and your brother talk about? 427 00:19:27,214 --> 00:19:28,649 Oh, you know, 428 00:19:28,716 --> 00:19:32,586 Usual things. Comic books, movies, records, 429 00:19:32,654 --> 00:19:37,791 All the babes we were gonna score with once we got our own room. 430 00:19:37,858 --> 00:19:39,693 Did you ever share a room with your sister? 431 00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:41,194 Oh, yeah. 432 00:19:41,262 --> 00:19:42,296 But i'll tell you one thing, 433 00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:43,697 We didn't talk about stupid stuff 434 00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:45,265 Like you and your brother talked about. 435 00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:46,850 All right, what did you talk about? 436 00:19:46,918 --> 00:19:48,018 Dreams, 437 00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:49,653 Aspirations, 438 00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:51,021 The meaning of life. 439 00:19:51,122 --> 00:19:52,405 In other words, boys. 440 00:19:52,473 --> 00:19:54,675 You betcha. 441 00:19:54,742 --> 00:19:57,644 And then we'd do each other's hair all different ways and, 442 00:19:57,679 --> 00:20:01,181 And then we'd dream about owning a ranch and a bunch of horses. 443 00:20:01,248 --> 00:20:02,766 Wh-What is it with horses? 444 00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:06,202 Why do girls get all goopy over horses? 445 00:20:06,354 --> 00:20:09,823 Oh, yeah, and like guys are real rational about cars? 446 00:20:09,891 --> 00:20:13,360 Hey, listen, you take a-- You take a '57 chevy ragtop 447 00:20:13,427 --> 00:20:16,363 And you park it right next to some dumb spotted horse, 448 00:20:16,430 --> 00:20:19,616 Now, you tell me which one you wanna make out in? 449 00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:25,689 That's a good point. 450 00:20:27,024 --> 00:20:29,726 You know what? It's sort of interesting. 451 00:20:30,945 --> 00:20:33,180 Here you and i are, 452 00:20:33,247 --> 00:20:36,767 You know, talking to each other like this, intimately and, 453 00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:39,953 And i mean, i--I mean, i can see that we have our differences. 454 00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:41,555 But basically, 455 00:20:41,622 --> 00:20:44,191 You know, besides the fact that you're a man and i'm a woman, 456 00:20:44,259 --> 00:20:46,726 I--I don't think we're that different. 457 00:20:46,794 --> 00:20:48,061 What do you think? 458 00:20:48,129 --> 00:20:49,346 [Snoring] 459 00:20:52,617 --> 00:20:54,217 [Huffs] 460 00:20:54,285 --> 00:20:56,520 And i do like you better like this. 461 00:21:00,258 --> 00:21:01,325 Man, 462 00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:04,261 Not one split end. 463 00:21:06,564 --> 00:21:08,598 What is this guy's secret? 464 00:21:14,055 --> 00:21:15,655 Good night, sam. 465 00:21:25,766 --> 00:21:26,950 [Beeping] 466 00:21:32,223 --> 00:21:33,724 Someone's coming. Hide. 467 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,392 Huh? Well, who is it, your husband? 468 00:21:35,459 --> 00:21:38,128 No, sam, wake up. Somebody's coming. We have to hide. 469 00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:39,930 [Elevator bell dings] what? Oh. 470 00:21:39,998 --> 00:21:41,715 Here, here, here, here, here. 471 00:21:49,556 --> 00:21:51,475 Ok, let's get out of here before she sees us. 472 00:21:51,543 --> 00:21:52,676 Jeez! 473 00:21:56,631 --> 00:21:58,349 No, no, no! Oh, right. 474 00:22:02,670 --> 00:22:04,771 You look kind of sexy when you first wake up. 475 00:22:04,839 --> 00:22:07,524 Oh, thanks, sam. 476 00:22:07,592 --> 00:22:09,927 Sam, you're not gonna tell the guys at the bar 477 00:22:09,994 --> 00:22:12,896 Some wild tales about what happened last night, are you? 478 00:22:12,964 --> 00:22:15,448 Oh, no, no. I'm gonna tell them the absolute truth. 479 00:22:15,516 --> 00:22:17,517 Walked in here, found you buck-Naked, 480 00:22:17,585 --> 00:22:19,186 Spent the night on the floor with you 481 00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:22,072 Surrounded by colored lights. 482 00:22:22,139 --> 00:22:24,841 All right. At least tell them i was good. 483 00:22:27,578 --> 00:22:30,079 I think i could sell that. 484 00:22:30,147 --> 00:22:32,832 You know, sam, i--I do have to say that i'm very proud of you. 485 00:22:32,900 --> 00:22:35,002 Why? Because we spent the whole night together, 486 00:22:35,069 --> 00:22:36,753 And you didn't lay a hand on me. 487 00:22:36,821 --> 00:22:38,605 I want to thank you for that. 488 00:22:38,673 --> 00:22:40,807 I want to thank you for being a gentleman. 489 00:22:40,875 --> 00:22:42,842 Oh, you're welcome. 490 00:22:42,910 --> 00:22:44,111 Uh, i want to thank you. 491 00:22:44,212 --> 00:22:46,146 For what? For being such a sound sleeper. 492 00:22:46,214 --> 00:22:47,881 You're welcome. Hey!